First, Love Yourself

The last two nights have inspired me to write. I haven't been this moved to voice my heart in a long time, and I honestly hope it continues. Much of it has to do with a recent infatuation of Annie Lennox, due in part to my lovely roomie. I must thank her for that. We are experiencing some rather dire times here. The water pump on our well has died and Toby is working day and night to fix it. Because of this sudden redirection of efforts, we are also dealing with a serious lack of cash flow. This necessitated a call to the parentals this evening to ask for some assistance in that area. While my stepmother was gracious about lending the money we needed, there is always that added cost of having to suck it up and humble oneself through a myriad of guilt trips. Tonight's array consisted of a particularly heart-wrenching one about how I've hurt my father and that he feels abandoned by his children. This is an interesting guilt trip, honestly. It got me to thinking about the rela...

My best friend told me today that in order to be a better blogger, I need to quit censoring so much of what I write. I need to quit filtering what I write, waiting for the moment of optimum word choice in order to write a meaningful post. I think that, on many levels, she is right. I have spent my entire life censoring. My words, my actions, my views, my self . I need to learn to put myself out there and not be afraid of the consequences. I envy that she can already do that. She says what she feels, unapologetically, and doesn't ever seem to worry what her readers or friends will think of what she says. I don't want to put words into her mouth, but I'm sure she really cares, but cares that people understand the real her even more. I wish I could be that audacious in my life. Everything I do is measured. I think before I act, most of the time before I speak, and most often before I feel. Anything. It's enough to turn a person inside out, honestly. My childhood was spent ...