First, Love Yourself

There are so many things going on that are diverting my attention from school work. I hate not being able to focus, and it's really starting to get to me.  First, my grandfather is dying. He's had Parkinson's Disease for several years now, but it's progressing swiftly, and he's now confined to a hospital bed in his living room. Hospice care has been arranged for him, and my father is making funeral arrangements. It's all very surreal to me. He's been a rather formidable presence in my life, and has always been so vibrant and present of mind. It's difficult to see him suffer so, and I wish that he would go quickly if for no other reason than that his quality of life is so depleted. My family spent all of Sunday together to have a final family get together. He's not expected to make it to Christmas. My dad has asked me to sing at the funeral, but I'm not sure I can. It's difficult to sing and cry at the same time.  Today, I had an ultrasound to...

So much is going on.  First, Oktoberfest season is here, which means I see little of my husband. He's so busy, and he gets into this depression/angst mode during this time of the year. Everyone expects so much of him, and he begins to really feel the pressure. Likewise, the stress of the school year is really catching up to me. I am nervous and rather scared about writing my capstone paper. I feel like I haven't read enough, or learned enough, and I'm kind of jumping the gun. Part of that is self-imposed, and part of it is real; I wish I could find more confidence to really get it done. I find that when I feel this way, I often self-sabotage, and procrastinate. I'm trying desperately not to do that. I'm starting to realize, too, that I have taken on a lot more this year than I probably should have. I wish that I had thought it through a little more carefully before choosing my activities, but I also know that I am the type of person to not quit something I have begu...