Consummation

Sometimes I wonder why I keep going.

I can usually handle the parenting of two children that have some very specific challenges the way mine do. I can usually keep my patience, remind myself that I am only one person and that I am doing my best.

But right now, I have just had enough. My almost-thirteen year old is so obstinate...all the time. And she seems to constantly have it out for me. She has taken to blatantly telling me no, with teenage attitude and all. The thing is, I'm not sure how I managed to lose control in our relationship. I may not have always been a consistent parent, but in the last 5 years that has really changed. I just don't understand why something as simple as washing the dishes has to turn into all-out war. If I challenge her, it will be an all-night battle. If I let her off, she wins. Either way, I lose. And the fact is that I still need her help. I'm exhausted, I've had little sleep, she's trying every nerve I've got, and I just want her FOR ONCE to say, "OK, Mom" and go do what I've asked.

Is that so much to ask? Really?

I just want some peace when I come home from school. For one evening. Not even every day. Just one day would be great.

Does she really hate me, the way she says she does? Does she want me to drop dead, the way she shows me when she looks at me?

I realize that she struggles. I realize that I haven't exactly given her the ideal life that maybe other kids like her have had. But I've worked hard for what I have given her, and I love her. Is it so wrong to want that in return?

Is it silly to think that I can change her? Or is it me that needs to change?

Comments

J. Pair said…
Nope, one day is just too much, it's not allowed.

Sounds like she's hit her teen years with a vengence. Be strong like you always are and I'm sure it will be okay...hopefully sooner than later :)
August 19, 2009 at 2:09 PM
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